He Gives Power to the Weak

My journey to know God has been plagued with weakness. Yet, some will say to me, "you're strong". This post is about how weak I actually am and how strong my God makes me.

To whom will you compare me? Or who is my equal?” says the Holy One.  Lift up your eyes and look to the heavens: Who created all these? He who brings out the starry host one by one and calls forth each of them by name. Because of his great power and mighty strength, not one of them is missing. Do you not know?
Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40: 25-26, 28-31

If you compare me in stature to strong, young, athletic men and women, you will know that I am weak. Yet, this passage tells us that no matter what you are--even if you are strong physically--you will stumble and fall unless you have hope in the Lord. I am one of those that has hope in the Lord. For a while, I've had hope in other people, put my worth into people's ideas of me, and have felt the sting of rejection come close to ruining my life. Yet God has taken this weak and rejected being and has made her strong. Strong enough to rise out of the pile of mush I've made and clean it up. He's given me the strength to not throw away the things He has blessed me with and to toss aside those things He never meant for me. He's cast away from me the fear of joy in my present circumstances-whatever they may be.

God is an inside-out God. I mean that in every sense you can fathom. Give him sadness and He brings out joy. Give Him yourself and He multiplies your influence. Give Him weakness and He gives you strength. You can even give Him ashes and He makes life. I've given Him greed, jealousy, frustration, rejection, fear, anger, and hate and He has made bountiful blessings, joy, acceptance, comfort, happiness, and love. He doesn't stop there. He multiplies Himself through me and He continues to give despite my weaknesses. So what am I to do? Show Him more weakness or grow in His strength? It's like the talents. Hide this newfound strength or display it for all to see His awesome work in me? I will not grow weary-I will soar high on wings like eagles...and I will praise Him the entire way!

God has made a flower garden out of a heart that was burned to the ground. He watered my spirit, He became the sole sower of seeds in this place. My heart belongs to no more than Him! This decision takes a lot of hope, confidence, and belief on my part. Who doesn't want to give their heart to worldly things? I know I did. I know I did. I know I don't want to anymore. There's a difference in giving your heart to things and loving things. Surely God wants us to love-it is His greatest commandment. But first, love Him. That doesn't mean you have less love for others-indeed, God is an inside-out God. The more you decide to give your heart to Him, the more room He will make in your heart for others. He creates from nothing. He will continue to make room as you grow in your heart for Him. So what's the main ingredient? Hope. Hope that it's the right thing to do, that it won't lead to a boring life, that He will return that love and that you will be able to feel it and revel in it. He has promised that you will. Don't you know? Haven't you heard? He made the heavens in the earth yet He loves you most of all. Surely He will reciprocate and multiply the feeling of love in your heart once you make the decision to love Him with it all!!

This weakling is too weak to stand on her own. The things of this earth are so hard to deal with. The evil is too pressing. The traps are too dangerous, the rejection and hate is all so taxing on me. His rod and staff comfort me. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He will do it all for me. He will fight it all for me.

Thank you, God, for Your promises. Thank you for Your strength. Your awesome and mighty ways are enough to sustain me. Your creation exalts You in reverence and praise. All glory and praise to You, Lord! You are holy, holy, holy. So holy. In Jesus's powerful name I thank You, Amen.

I AM

"I throw my life upon all that You are because I know You gave it all for me. When all else fades, I know my soul will dance with You-where the love lasts forever." ~Hillsong, Where the Love Lasts Forever.

Those words mean so much to me. I can't even begin to describe ethe feeling of loss and joy I have at the thought of throwing everything that I am and do on Him. It was He that showed me love-true and holy love. It was He that shows me happiness, passion, sadness, comfort, breath, life, light, everything good. My God-He is the great teacher of all that is holy and wise and good. When I find myself attaching myself to the hurt of this world, I am saved by Him. He cleanses my body, spirit, and soul. I praise Him and find a wonderful peace under His wing.

It took my own study to finally get the courage to show God how much I love Him. Through the examples in His word-through David, Job, Moses, too many to mention. What separates me from them? Theologians may argue a countless number of things. But I would have to stand my ground and say to them that the only thing that separates me from the servants in His word is time. Purely time. There is no reason I can't love my God as much as any one of them. They were inspired by Him and they were able to experience Him in very real ways, but I have too. God calls Himself the I AM. Do we know what that means/? The I AM? the I. AM. I AM  here. I AM present. I AM watching. I AM LOVING. I cant see how His reference to Himself can only exist in a time that's recorded in His word and no other- only that small segment of time.

What will I think when I meet Him? Will I think, "Yes, this is exactly what I imagined You would be like." Will I think, "Well, I actually was expecting more from You." My soul swells up to tears as I think that I can be so proud to imagine I might just have enough praise, thanksgiving, and love for His glory in my own feeble mind. How can the creation's thoughts ever be enough to imagine to the Creator?? This is why I'm convinced God could not show His glory to a living human being-He is too much to handle!! Why do I waste time while I'm here thinking small thoughts about my big Lord?

Meanwhile, I have the haunting ongoing dilemma-move on from sin or keep it around? When I realize what I'm doing, I just want to nail myself to my bedroom floor-never to move or be seen again. I never want to commit a sin against You! It is better I tie myself up. But no, He does the most amazing, completely irrational, freakily wonderful thing to my heart--through my conviction, he frees me. Takes the nails off of me and picks me up. He gives me courage and strength and then says to me (of all things!), "feed my sheep". Don't You know who You're talking to? Don't You know what I've done? Please, please. Your sheep are safer somewhere else.

I AM bigger than you are.

His grace frees me. Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord God Almighty!! Your rod and Your staff-they comfort me! Hide me in the shadow of Your wings! I am Your servant forever!

How does it feel yearning for something you can't or don't have? How does it feel? We can all have Jesus-so I'm not talking about Him. Yearning for something you can't have or don't have-I have found it to be absolutely, without a doubt, the most terrible feeling in the world. What I'm talking about? Anything! Yearning or "loving" that big house, that lifestyle, that talent, that person, that image, those looks, those things, those circumstances, that change of events. "Loving" it so much that it takes all of you and it runs your life. "Loving" it so much that you replace your love for God with it-or worse yet-you never even thought of having love for God like you love those things. What. if. we. did? What if we pursued God the way we pursue that big house, lifestyle, etc.? What if we said to those things, "I love you, but I love God more." I've heard that said to something big before, and it was a lifechanging example. I'll never forget it for the rest of my life. Amazing faith worked out for the glory of God and before God. What a transformation that ensued even in me-the meager witness! Arresting that feeling-taking the need for those things out of your heart and replacing them with God is a process. A true transformation that can take years. I believe that He wants to save us from that horrible feeling. I know He knows what the yearning does for us and so He wants us to give it up-put Him first-then He can give us blessings He has for us as His will is worked out (which are much better than what we can ever come up with ourselves-I know this firsthand!). But the hardest part-the giving up-takes faith. I know it does. It takes a broken, seeking heart.

What can wash away my sin? Nothing but the blood of Jesus. What can make me whole again? Nothing but the blood of Jesus.

Dear Heavenly Father on High, You sit in Your heavenly realms, and You see me from that holy, holy, holy place. "I want to see Your face, I want to know Your ways. Come to me, Lord. I want to please You. You reward me, and people like me-who honestly and diligently seek you. I want You more than this world. More than my way. Your ways are higher, Your thoughts are higher, Lord." ~Hillsong and me. I surrender myself, all that I am, to You and Your will. I will love You largely. I will imagine Your beautiful holiness and grace as much as my body can hold. O, that I were wind, I would gust at blazing speed to meet You. If I were water, I would search the dry to get to find You, I would rock to praise You. If I were fire, I would flame bright for You to find me. I would reach up high to touch You. If You see me here, dear Lord, know that I cannot wait be in Your midst in that day. I will sing at the top of my voice, I will not find a need to stop singing to You, dear I AM. I will find my being eager to be in Your presence. I will twirl and dance in joy in Your light. I was made to praise You.