This slot has been a devious one for me. I have shuffled people through it like a card game. People push themselves in or I place them there. What does it really mean? I've thought and thought about this even to this day. I've gone back and forth, doubted, pained, and have even allowed to be torn apart by it. I've contemplated and prayed and God has filled me with a wisdom that only comes from heaven about what this really means. He has shown me it takes time and sanctification to realize what I have. Time needs to pass in order to create memories, hard times and good times, and to witness love and joy at its holy and organic roots. I've come to see why you ARE the Love of My Life.
Friendship.
You probably remember me scoffing at all the cute things we saw while picking out our wedding frames and wall art depicting "I Married my Best Friend". Do you remember that? I used to think that was such a slap against marriage. Marriage is for love, not for friendship. My naivete was never worse about this subject. I have learned that I love you more now that I allow myself to be your friend. You've always been my friend. I've simply and truly never allowed myself to fully become yours-I feel like I never experienced deep friendship and love at the same time. Even so, it's not an excuse. I apologize for not understanding what you've been doing all this time. I can't believe I've wasted so much time. I've spent so much time picking apart who you are and traded our friendship in for easy cut-downs and jokes. What a slap against marriage! I am not wasting time anymore. I am your BEST friend now. You can come to me about anything. You measure 1000 times more than my friends that choose to be there one day and are gone the next. You are the Friend of My Life.
Faithfulness.
You exhibit faithfulness in more ways than anyone other than me can ever know. You are not only faithful to me, you are faithful to our children. You don't forget them, you don't allow them to go without understanding their disciplines. You have been faithful in telling us all goodbye when we leave the house. Every. Time. When I'm sick, you are taking care of me and the kids. You have faithfulness bleeding from your heart. It is part of who you are. Even when things are horrible and we're screaming at each other, or we're taking each other to the "fault bank", you always come back. It takes me longer than it takes you, but we always come back.
Forgiveness.
I remember a time in our lives where we were falling apart. We hurt each other. When it came down to it, you chose to forgive me for what I had done. It took me longer than it did you. Your choice to forgive so readily changed everything about us. That forgiveness has reaped a fruit of trust, respect and joy that I feel will last us until we die. I will surely never forget it. You will find that I love you more from this trait than from any other thing. I have found that you have decided you will always forgive me-no matter what-even before I knew you had. And although the lump in my throat is large, I have to admit it hasn't always been equal for me. I'm not sure if I was where you are. I want to give you a gift today on our anniversary that I've never truly given you before. Maybe I have on a surface level, but I certainly have never vocalized it nor have I wanted to. Too fearful to love you enough I suppose. But God doesn't create that fear, Satan does, so now I denounce it. I want to gift to you "forgiveness". Now and forever-just as you've forgiven me. Just as my God has forgiven me. Harvey, no matter what you do, I will always forgive you. I will die next to you and I want you to know that now. I will always forgive you.
Love.
Through forgiveness comes love. Love creates family and joy that nothing else can. Our family is sooo worth it. Separately we have our faiths-but then our faith has brought us together. Our God has worked miracles in our lives and in the lives of our children. I write like this day is my last and if it were-God forbid-you will know that I love you. I always will. Harvey, YOU are the Love of My Life. Happy 10th Anniversary, Dear One.
