I Am Sufficient

"God's provision is always enough for THAT day for those who walk in His ways. His provision is always enough." ~RMcCall

Rick was referencing I Kings 17:1-4 where Elijah was fed by the ravens:

Now Elijah the Tishbite, from Tishbe in Gilead, said to Ahab, “As the LORD, the God of Israel, lives, whom I serve, there will be neither dew nor rain in the next few years except at my word.”

Then the word of the LORD came to Elijah: “Leave here, turn eastward and hide in the Kerith Ravine, east of the Jordan. You will drink from the brook, and I have directed the ravens to supply you with food there.

So he did what the LORD had told him. He went to the Kerith Ravine, east of the Jordan, and stayed there. The ravens brought him bread and meat in the morning and bread and meat in the evening, and he drank from the brook.

One morning as I drove my kids to school, I was struggling with my decision to be a full-time photographer. Much of my struggle had to do with what my calling was (right vs. wrong); the rest of it was how to deal with the uncertainty that comes with losing a steady job. If you have heard God's voice, you will know that God says exactly what is needed in very few words. If your heart is connected with His, then the wisdom comes flowing after; sometimes a long time after! This morning wasn't very different from the mornings before it or since it. I was driving my kids to school and we were listening to Hillsong. As I drove, I also was contemplating and praying about my decision. I most wanted to please God with my decision and not do anything out of vain conceit and definitely not to separate myself from His presence.

My struggle was fueled by fear. I was afraid I might choose the "wrong" way, so I was pleading with God to shut a door and make the decision for me. Both doors were open-one was a nice offer at a wonderful school with a great position, the other was a chance to come home and raise my son and enjoy motherhood, volunteering, and photography. "Please, God, help me make the right decision." In the back of my mind, I was struggling with the latter decision of staying home not being sufficient enough to provide for my family. While a song played, I felt God's presence and I heard Him whisper, "I Am Sufficient."

"You are sufficient?" Tears welled up in my eyes. With those words sinking in, the floodgates of wisdom came rolling through my heart. With the one statement came release, discovery, understanding, and faith.

Release: There was no right or wrong way here. Both were completely acceptable to God! He knew my heart-I would give Him glory wherever I was, whatever I chose. I was free to do what I wanted. This release may seem trivial, even obvious to you, but for someone like me, it was such an incredible realization.

Discovery: The path is not completely carved out. God has a plan for me and will work through me, but I get to pick the journey. Amazing!

Understanding: He was able to share that I need not worry about my predicaments on earth. He loves me enough to let me know He is sufficient in all things.

Faith: God is ready to provide for me and I need to have faith! I need to believe He will provide. He is sufficient for my every day life and my eternal life. All I need is Him!! I needed to believe that He would be sufficient and He would be. If there came a moment where I didn't believe He was, then that would be the same moment where I would lose my faith. My faith has gotten stronger in hearing Him say He is sufficient-He knew it was I needed to hear.

Can you believe this amazing journey we as Christians have decided to go on? Can you believe we have chosen to believe in something bigger than us and that we will one day join it? How can I say that I am a Christian, I believe in God and His son Jesus, in His creation of this world and heaven, that I will one day join Him in the skies...and I can't believe that He will provide for me on this earth? What is easier to believe? Heaven exists or God will provide? He is sufficient. Believe them both will equal zeal or believe in neither one. I have chosen both!

So then soon after, my God has provided another set of parents for me (and grandparents for my children). I did NOT see that coming. God knows me better than I know myself. He knew that I have been needing someone to call father here on earth and He sent me one. Not to replace, but to help me steer this faith ship...and he has. Daddy Daryl and Momma Cindy have done just that. Since then, God has given me a zest for sharing, a zeal for learning, a thirst for His word. He has given me jobs, weddings, finances, and health. He keeps sending me purple jars. He allows me to dream. He understands where I need Him most-and He provides. I look to Yahweh for it all; even my son's temper tantrums! He hears my plea for help when I am weak, even when I'm not pleading on the outside. He misses me and is jealous for me. He convicts me and seeks me.

God doesn't supply it all at one time...He provides enough for THAT day. That is enough for me.

167

167 = (24*7) - 1.

I love math, so I appreciate it shown that way...except maybe some people are not as nerdy as me. 167 is the number of hours in a week, minus one. Our sermon today spoke about how you can worship God during the 167 hours of the week that you're not in worship on Sunday. Well, this blog was started based on that premise...in between Sundays...so it is fitting!

I've neglected posting much since I myself am a very busy 167-hour person! I recently began a new phase in life where I am self-employed; I am now a full-time photographer! By recently, I mean two days ago! I realize the possibility of self-employment being an even busier life, but I also know that I can set my own hours. I've complained (even on this blog) that work used to get in the way of my time with God, so now I can prove to myself that I really meant that! That is my challenge to myself. :)

Well, with the definition that I had set for this blog, I really shouldn't be blogging on Sundays. Haha. What a ridiculous notion!! Sundays are a great time to reflect! I'm going to adopt this 167 mindset; and this blog will become an "anytime" blog...err...other than Sunday morning worship. It would be a little difficult to blog during Sunday morning worship, but I think the rest of the week is more than enough time (although I have been known to tweet and/or facebook messages and revelations during the sermons.. @julizzaholub.. LOL)!

My minister (we'll call him Rick McCall--haha!) threw out some of our daily routines and challenged us to look for opportunities in which we can worship God in those routines. It seems silly sometimes, but I will tell you that worshipping God during these routines is challenging and first, but once your faith grows stronger, it is amazingly fulfilling. As Rick mentioned, it really has prepared me for an even greater worship experience on Sunday morning. Here are some things that I have done; I want to give you a glimpse of what it can be like for you! Please feel free to comment and add your own experiences and your own challenges!

In the car: I worship in the car by definitely listening to Christian music...KSBJ radio as well as other artists to be exact. Mercy Me, David Crowder Band, Tenth Avenue North, Hillsong, Aaron Shust, Brandon Heath, Britt Nicole, Casting Crowns, Chris Tomlin, Jars of Clay, JJ Heller, Kutless, Mike's Chair, Need to Breathe, Nichole Nordeman, and Switchfoot are in my music library. If you're just starting to compile a music library that you can worship along with, this is definitely a good start! They love God through music-plain and simple. I love listening to Mike Donehey from Tenth Avenue North; he has put out some videos and reflections about his walk with God that are very encouraging. I have learned so much from these present-day psalms; they have helped me remember and love God even when I felt I didn't have the strength-when my world is shaking. In addition to worshipping through music while driving, I pray. Many times it's about the people and happenings in my life, but I have also taken it to a deeper level. I started to look inside the cars--to the strangers. I try to see traffic not as cars and machinery, but as people. I may see a young woman in the driver's seat. I try to imagine what her life is like. I pray that God watch over her in her day that day. She takes her left turn past me, and then I move on to the next one. What could that person be dealing with? What problems might they have? The prayers are just thoughts. When you are plugged into God and His work, you don't have to start with "Dear God"..for each prayer. It's continuous. Just look at their faces and think of them. Imagine their troubles, their ailments, their families, their jobs and have empathy in your heart. This too is prayer. All of your thoughts will get to God. They may never know you are praying for them, but GOD knows and it will feed your soul spiritually! By the time you get to work, your spiritual tank will be full and you can outpour into others all day long. Think of prayer not only as a place to be served, but also to serve. Two ways to pray: your prayers can go out from your spirit or the practice of prayer can replete you. When you pray for someone you don't know and don't have connection with, it is actually food for your spirit. Praying for someone you know and connect with is an outpouring...it comes from your spirit, so you're actually expelling love. If all you do is one and not the other, then you have an unequal balance. By practicing both, both types of prayers will become stronger as well as your faith! Ok, so prayer and worship while driving. How many hours are we down to? :)

At work: When I am at work, I'm am (in the best case scenario) spiritually full. Sometimes I pray in the parking lot or while nearing my job over something I know is going to happen that day--a meeting, an assignment, a task. It doesn't have to be a difficult situation...just a situation that exists! If I know it is going to be difficult, I'll definitely pray for the spirit of peace and confidence, and the right words. Mostly, I'll pray for all that I do be sealed with His name. I know a song that says "I want to sign Your name on the end of my day." So it will say, "Met with Brittney. ~God". Not saying that I AM God, just saying that since He is in me, He made an appearance. Don't get me wrong...I am in no way perfect and I wish that were my attitude all of the time, but I am just like any human. I forget. I let myself slip. As my faith has gotten stronger, it is easier to remember. You will get stronger too. When there's a negative conversation going on, ignore it or slip away. Once you're gone, pray over the situation. Pray for the people being negative. You don't have to be the positive nuisance all the time--just let it go. When people come to realize that you are who you are in Christ, it will be easier to interject positivity and have it accepted by the group. Honestly, sometimes you will find that saying nothing can be just as powerful. Work is about 40 hours per week...so we're down to...

At home: We pray at meals. We pray for each other. Rio prays for me when she sees I'm having difficulty with Lathan. We hardly ever watch anything other than movies and sports. We surround ourselves with our Lifegroup friends. Cindy and Daryl have adopted our family as their own-such a sweet blessing! We spend time with them. We were at their house last Saturday and we were sharing a story about how Rio was trying to tell her friends at school that they should love Jesus more than Justin B. Her friends did not like being told that. They told her "There's no rule! You can't tell us to love Jesus more." Rio said they were smart alec to her (We helped her with her faith journey in speaking truth to people through this opportunity. Love always!) She described her friends as "Justin B people". Then she added, "Our family's not like that. It's like we're a God-family." What a great testimony! It did my heart good to hear that! Lovely. How many hours now?

8*5 + .5*10 + 7*7 = 94
40 hours of work, plus about 30 minutes of drive time (both ways), plus 7 hours of sleep each day (who really gets 8??) equals 94.
167 - 94 = 73
Home is about 73 hours, give or take 50 or so...haha! Any way you split it, you can worship God any time of day.

As he closed, Rick mentioned instincts. The baby whale, once born, has the instinct to go up for a breath of air. He's not taught that, he just knows. Well, when you are born again, you will find that worship becomes instinct. When you get to know the Father, You can't stop yourself from worship and His spirit will reveal when you're out of line. As your faith in His reality and power strengthens, worship will become ingrained in you. When you are in love with Jesus, He is in your mind all the time. It is truly a relationship. You wake up and you think of Him, you go to bed and you think of Him. You are washing dishes and you think of Him. Much of my worship is in my ears...I listen to music every time I can. I'm listening to it right now. It helps me to maintain focus unlike anything else. I find that since I like music and since I don't have to work at listening, it just suits my life. The ballads and psalms flowing into my ears can be powerful. Sometimes I stop what I'm doing and just worship. It's a great outlet of worship for me. Sunday morning is just a part of my worship...not the other way around. Find what that can be for you!

I am not perfect. I am striving to do what I was commanded-love the Lord my God and love others. I never want this focus to change. I am in a race to know God. I am preparing my soul for splendor (I Cor 15:38-44). I am trying to explore the vastness of God, who is described as "Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine." Eph 3:20. I think Paul's prayer to the Ephesians is powerful and fits perfectly here: "So Christ himself gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the pastors and teachers, to equip his people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ." Eph 4:11-13 Replete. My prayer is the same for us. I hope that you find some modern-day examples here. This is my outpouring. I would love to be filled with your suggestions as well. Please share with me. I need food. :)

Faith

You gave me hope! I have so much going on right now spiritually--trials, tests, success, defeats, renewal, pouring and overflowing. My life is so busy and there are things going all around me and to me--but You shout through the storm and my ears are in tune with Your voice!

What it means to walk by faith...I am your child, O Lord! Teach me! I am Your servant, Your clay. Take me and make me what you want me to be--what You have in store for me. I can't believe I ever doubt Your amazing power. I can't believe that I can ever doubt Your Majesty--the Creator of the heavens, the earth!

In my transfomation in the last few years, I have begun to see glimpses of His cloak...see His beauty. I once made the comment, "My Creator is so Great that even His creation creates!" Think about it! How many things can we make that have the ability to think, reason, imagine and create? Nothing! I am powerless to this ability. I, however, a mere mortal, can be creative--I can work with my hands, see with my eyes, analyze with my brain, and I create. I create in pictures, in product, in love, in relationships, in worship. How extraordinary our Creator is that He has given us these gifts!

I was in a Sunday morning class this past week and I heard a profound statement. I and other friends have struggled with the realness of God at some point in our lives--is God real? Someone in class said that during his psychology course in college that his professor stated that with all that we have in our humanness as far as logic goes for our actions and inactions, there is no way to bridge the gap from total surrender to our circumstances and healing without God. There is a limit to our humanness, in other words, and there's no way to get to the other side without God. Take all the time you need--the wholeness and healing will never be complete without a faith in God to fill the gigantic hole. This resonated with me because I experienced the same thing. If we could do it without God, then we wouldn't need Him, and that is so true that we do! That is proof there is a God! I've felt that my life is proof essentially because I'm still standing. Not only am I standing, but I'm overflowing! If you had seen me before, you would know that it would be quite impossible to do this on my own. Drugs don't help and insanity doesn't help. God does.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

So then, it's not about me! This life is not about me. It is about how I can be the hands and feet of Jesus. What a tremendous burden that is lifted to live for the happiness, fullfillment and joy of others. It makes me feel joy and fullfillment all the more. Can you do that? Can you begin to let go? What if you said to yourself, "I'm going to let that go and just see where it takes me". You can do it! I promise you will find joy in it! Everything we surrender will be heard by God--He will honor our sacrifices!! We are so blessed with a God who truly cares for us!

May the Lord our God keep you! You are a treasure to Him and He yearns to hear you call on Him! :)

Crazy Love by Francis Chan

I appreciate people who will stick their necks out and speak what they are thinking. I appreciate Francis's book, Crazy Love. On page 67 he writes, "Has your relationship with God actually changed the way you live? Do you see evidence of God's kingdom in your life? Or are you choking it out slowly by spending too much time, energy, money, and thought on the things of this world?"

Being a parent has really caused me to look inward. You hear this phrase all the time and it's almost foolish to write it here. Some people have said that they have been changed by their parenting for the better. I have a second question for them: has their relationship with their own father God changed as well? Mine has, and it seems like Francis's has too.

A few things have happened, I think, that God has allowed my heart to be opened. First, I lost my earthly father. The appreciation and love I felt for him has made me realize how fragile life is. Why didn't I love him more while he was here? Why was I so afraid to do that? Perhaps he wouldn't have been receptive. I must have thought I loved him as much as he allowed me to. Is that ok? I don't know the answer to that. Nonetheless, he was gone and I felt like the chain that kept me grounded in good (although it was rusty and weak), was cut. So in the next months and for a couple of years, although I went to church weekly, I was a dead woman walking. I laughed, smiled, and looked normal! Yet, I was almost dead and was fighting spiritually. I don't mean things just went bad for me and I started believing that if I stepped on a crack, I'd have a bad day--no, no. I turned away from God deliberately. I looked for ways to escape this life. My marriage suffered. My motherhood suffered. My sense of self suffered. My value was focused on things of this earth--people, places, things. There was a spiritual WAR going on with my soul, and I was getting beaten in between. These trials made me realize that I was not the Christian I thought I was. I thought I was good soil. I thought that I loved God. I thought I loved Him more than a lot of people (comparing is NOT a way to know, by the way). I also thought those "Jesus freaks" that dance and sing and jump up and down for God and always talk about Him just took it too far. Why do they think it's ok to make other people uncomfortable? Don't they know they don't have to do all that? They can just love God on the inside, without having to show it like that. That makes people turn away from Him--it doesn't help. They give the rest of us a bad name... How ignorant I was. Further proof that I lived for my own comfort and hated the awkwardness of not loving Him like they do. I broke a commandment not to judge one another--I questioned whether it was real love or they were just showing off. After all, I don't want to make a spectacle--it's in the bible. It's so far out of context, but I lived by that rule. These lovers of God should be able to worship fully without judgment from me no matter what. They are free to love God and breathe God no matter how uncomfortable it makes me feel. Living for others makes you shine. Period. I was convicted.

Through my trials, God proved His love for me and restored me in amazing ways. He loved me even though I turned my back and He continues to show His love daily. I could share so much about my restoration here, but that would take a novel. The point is, my father in heaven loved me. He cared for me. He was separated from me and my sin, and His holiness was far from me in those times. I had to realize that if I were to want to know Him better, I needed to admit my wrong--which has been and will continue to be a hard lesson. My restoration doesn't mean that all is good now and I'm "done". Please don't take it that way. I work hard every day to keep my restoration. Not because I have to, but because I want to. This attitude has been the main difference from where I was before. Previously, I felt like I had to go to church, I had to pray (but hardly did unless I was around other Christians at a meal), I had to teach my kids about Jesus, I had to "act" right. Now I want to. I want to go to church, I want to pray, I want to teach my kids, I want to do right, and I want to do it often. I fear the opposite now--if I stop, I could begin to live for myself again--and be less fulfilled. Work gets in the way of my study, of my devotion. I pray at work, I even work better and I'm happier. I have nothing to hide, I can invest myself because God keeps filling me up. It's ok, and it feels better than I've ever felt before. I have a real reason to smile. I still have hard, bad, sick, tiring days--but I have a light inside of me that will never burn out even when I am. Hallelujah!

Through this transformation, I have found that I love being in love with God. My first step was that I stopped living for myself and started living for others. I let go of my own dreams and put everyone else's happiness in front of my own. Not an easy thing to do...at all. I haven't stopped dreaming, I just pray for them but the dreams of others become my dreams. This feeling overflows into my life and the people I love. I keep it alive with music. I pump spiritual lullabies, praises, and devotions into my ears, heart, and brain. I try to worship as much as I can. I listen to music constantly. If I don't, I run the risk again of living for myself and not being filled. It is a job to keep my restoration. I wish I could do more. I could just as well never write about this, never care, never share, but who would benefit from that? Will I worry if there are people who don't read this? Not at all. God has guided you here, and I actually believe that He will guide the ones that need to read it. Yes, I actually do. God led you here for different reasons, but I need to tell you that it is hard to transform! I have the same message as Francis: Do not assume you are good soil. I did. I was not. Period.

I said that my parenthood has changed my life with God. How is that so? I realized that I would never want to purposely hurt my children, I would always want the best for them, I will always want everything for them, and I know more about what they need than they do. I can't keep them from hurting themselves, falling, crying, fighting, etc. I can try to show them a better way. I can be an example to them. I can love them to the end of the earth. That will not change the fact that they will make bad choices--even as small as they are. They are innately selfish. They live for themselves. I will teach them how to live for others. I will love them even when they do wrong and when they come back to apologize for anything they've done, I will continue to love them. What's more--I don't even love them as much as God loves any of us. When my children apologize to me, I can continue to love them, but my flawed nature allows me to remember their fault unless I purposely choose to forget. God has said he has already forgotten. What holiness and perfection! Does He laugh when I laugh? Does He cry when I cry? Does He know what's good for me? Of course on all accounts!! He created laughter, sorrow, and Good. How can I not rejoice in the father of mine that created it? I don't understand anymore how I walked around before, moping about the punishment God surely had in store for me. Please! I don't walk around with a belt by my side, waiting to spank my kids. Why would God?? I have understood that God is a better parent to me than I am to my children. Even pagans are good to their children! I have the perfect heavenly father who wants to laugh with me and is joyful in my love for Him. He's the best daddy! Does that feel awkward? Can you call God, "daddy"? It was ok for Jesus, but not for us? I'm sure if I ever adopt children, you bet your bottom dollar they will call me mommy just like Rio and Lathan do. My human nature will create in my heart even a tiny bit of difference between them, but to God, we share the inheritance with Jesus...He is our Daddy just like He is for Jesus. If you get past this hurdle, you can be closer.

The book stirs in me my frustration of living in the lukewarm. It wasn't always this way--I can't honestly say that I have always wanted to be in love with God. I always thought that life was boring. I have found it to be awesome. If you feel led to, read the book and begin to change. Get comfortable with the thought that God really loves you and really does work in your life--yes, even yours. He wants nothing more than...all of you.

There Will Be Horses in Heaven

My kids and I have a somewhat long ride to and from school in the morning. We get a little bit of scenery as we travel down some developing country roads. Most of the time my daughter looks for horses hidden in the pastures and yells, "Aaahhh! Horses!" when she sees them. My son chimes in and yells "Wee-wee!" right after her (from the word "horsie"). She is in LOVE with horses. She has asked me so many questions about her adult life that I wonder if it is actually normal! Recently, she has begun to build a dream about the house and horses she will have when she grows up.

Dream building in business can be very powerful. My husband and I were building a business for a while with other professionals from different walks of life. The people in the business became our mentors for free. Life coaches. Business coaches. Friends. Many of these professionals were multi-millionaires. It's not every day you get to be mentored by a multi-millionaire. We were blessed by the experience and the friendships we still have today. The first lesson we learned from our mentors was that if we wanted our business to be successful, we needed a very strong motivation--we needed a dream. So, dreaming became an important aspect of building our business. Our mentors would take us out to look at boats, houses, cars--whatever would get our juices flowing. We received training on how to focus in on our dreams, how to make them so strong that it was all we thought about and all we worked for. We called this practice "dream building".

So my daughter dream builds on the way home from school. "How do you buy a house, Mama? Do you go to a store? Do you get to see the inside before you buy it? How do you buy a horse? Is there a store for horses or something? I want all girl horses..." "You need to have land," I'd reply. "Land? Like a backyard?" "Yes," I'd reply. "A BIG backyard". "I'm going to have a paint horse, a brown horse, and a black horse like Flicka (her favorite movie)." She goes on and on tells me details of how she would like her house, her horses. She wants me to tell her all there is to know about owning horses (as if I knew!).

I can't remember what sparked the thought this one particular morning, but she asked me about heaven. She wanted to know if she would have purple blankets in heaven. "Sure!" I told her. "You can have anything you want for blankets. God knows all of your favorite things. The bible says He is preparing a place for you--that means He is making your room in heaven for you." "WHAT?!" She giggled and laughed at the thought. She did that girly little giggle I love so much--the one where she covers her mouth with her fist and her body doubles over from laughter. She got excited. "Can I have purple blankets with pink butterflies on it?" "Yes!", I responded. "Maybe your blanket could be a blanket of butterflies that would cover you and keep you warm as you sleep." "Oh my gosh!", she reacted. The thought was dreamy but too wild for her. "Maybe just purple and pink blankets. Can I have pink and purple walls?" "Of course," I responded. "What else would you like?" She dreamt some more. "Horses! I want horses on the walls." "Horses on the walls?", I asked. I'm good at dream building. I've had a lot of practice. It was time to give my daughter her first lesson. "Honey," I started, "God is SO big, that He could give you your own pasture of horses--any kind you want, You don't have to live in one room. You could have a gigantic mansion with a huge opening to a pasture where you could have your horses." She was ecstatic. "Really? I can have all that? I want horses! I want pink and purple! I can't wait to get to heaven! I want to go so badly! Jesus! I love you! I want to be in heaven with you! I love horses, Jesus! Give me lots of horses to ride EVERY DAY!" She was in full shout at this point. I couldn't stop her--not that I was even close to wanting to. I glanced in the rear view and I saw her little baby brother intently smiling and watching her joy--not fully comprehending--but celebrating it with her. Her little words of faith and praise rang in my ears--a sound sweeter than I can ever have imagined and I loved and simply breathed the moment in--her praise as my background. It was beautiful. She just kept going. I can't remember all the things she said because I was so involved in my enjoyment of the moment. She asked me about more things and I kept on promising, kept on giving what I did not have. For a while, I was promising her those things for God. Then I felt Him. "Daddy..." I thought, "please give her everything she desires." Then I thought, "How I love my little girl. How I want all of these things for her." My father then put the realization in my head that He loves her even more than I did and that He knew all of these things about her--and His plans for her are even bigger than she and I could dream together. I couldn't breathe. My God made His presence known in my little green car. She continued to praise at the top of her lungs and tears began to stream down my cheeks. I gasped for air. I was worried about if she saw me crying, she would stop praising, so I turned my face slightly away and kept on taking the short breaths I could as I felt His presence. He placed the realization in my heart that He wanted all of those things for ME just as much as He wants them for her. Although I had fought it throughout my life, it had always been that way. How foolish of me! How could I ever think He didn't want that for me? He's my daddy just like I'm her mommy. If I want all of these things for her, how does He NOT? "I want a horse too, daddy.", I told Him. With the help of the Spirit, I allowed myself to believe that He had heard me. My faith for a moment had become like hers--full and vibrant and real. I realized it was her faith that I wanted so badly right then; I wanted mine to be like hers, even if it was just in that moment. I remember what it was like when it was. I remembered it well. So I took a leap. "I want a horse too, daddy.", I whispered as I cried. I couldn't shout it; I didn't want to look foolish in front a faith-filled 5 year old. "I want a--" I could only mouth the rest. Then the Comfortor came over me and washed me with love. I couldn't catch my breath so I was glad she was still occupied, though at this point she was quiet and simply smiling while looking out the car window, innocence attached to her face.

Heaven used to be a scary place for her (and I remember when it was for me too). She used to cry at the thought of heaven. She was so attached to this world and the nowness of life. She didn't want anything to change. "It takes too long to come back from heaven," she once said (in reference to my father who has passed away). Now she can't wait to get there. She's excited about her future in heaven. One day I'll share again with her about her faith on this day. Her faith and God have taught me a valuable lesson...I'm going to have a horse.

It's Sunday!

Surprise Party Week

It was a great weekend! We had a great suprise party for Harvey and it turned it out almost perfectly. I can't even <i>begin</i> to tell you how hard it was to gather everything during the week with two tired little ones after work/school every day, but it got done! I seriously can't believe the wealth I have in friends and family! People high and low, ready and willing to help with whatever they could to make the day special. My neighbors opened their home to storing all the groceries and party supplies, a Lifegroup friend, Amy, picked up the humongous cake for me and got helium balloons blown, some other friends brought kitchen supplies (Alexandra), and still more family cooked and prepared ALL of the food (Harvey's brother Gary, his mom, and my sister-in-law Lisa all helped). I had no part in the legwork--I had the "tough" job of keeping Harvey from being suspicious and we went shopping while it all came together at home without his knowledge. I had "arranged" for his parents to come babysit while we had an afternoon date, and when we returned, everyone was to surprise him. Well, Harvey got a little carried away with the shopping (go figure!). Believing that this was the only downtime he would have with me, he squeezed as much time as he could out of the trip (and his parents!). I had to finally say, "We've got to go...now! (I made a promise to your parents...yada, yada, yada...haha!)" to get him out of Macy's! We finally started home, an hour behind schedule (imagine my nerves in the passenger seat!). I was texting friends on the way there and couldn't be more relieved when we pulled into the driveway. I had my camera with me and told him to just let me out first, so I did, and walked into the house. That's when I found everyone was at the wrong door! Everyone quickly moved over to the kitchen door where he would be entering, and I quickly switched off the lights and got my camera ready. Harvey came in, the lights came on, and everyone yelled SURPRISE! then burst into "Happy Birthday to You". It was majestic--Harvey was so red and speechless--he didn't know what was going on and was truly surprised at all the people. The rest of the night and the next day, we rode the waves of feeling loved by everyone that came and helped out. We loved it; I'm so glad I did it!

Some pictures from that night!

Well, his birthday is so special and I'm so glad I have God to thank for him. He is a great man of love and faith and it has been an incredible journey with him and I am looking forward to the rest of this life alongside him. I look at our children and they are such a blessing to us--he is overflowing with love for them and for our life. It has been amazing!

Here are some fun pictures of Harvey with our baby Lathan having fun in the pool ;)

The Lord God knows my heart like no one else and He has been faithful beyond belief! I praise the Almighty One and am joyful in His wonderful and amazing presence! I know He has a plan for me, for each of us, and I am so glad to be counted in His kingdom...there is nothing else I know or want to know! Without my Lord, I am nothing. He teaches me to live for others and to and love them until my cup is emptied to be filled with His Spirit again. Thank the Lord for the heaven He has in store for me; I am created for a place I've never known!

May your week be blessed with His Goodness, Love, and Grace. He will show you the way!