The Good Rope

I enjoy the ideation of holding on to God through the storms of life. I also love the imagery that God in His Holy Trinity is a strong foundation - like a rope made up of three parts braided together instead of one solid piece. I wish that holding on to this rope through the storms of life described me more often. Sometimes...well...most of the time, I don't. It's hard. My default tendency is to let go of the rope. It's my first primal reaction. More often than not, I allow the storm to consume me. I feel like somehow, some way, I will find peace if I just go ahead and lay down here in the comfort...of its turmoil. I close my eyes, feel its wind, and feel every hurt. I open my ears and focus in on its rushing sounds, searching for that peace. In sharing these storms with others, I have come to experience two types of people. What I need are people that will wake me, pick me up, and place my hand on the rope. What I don't need are people that will take me further away. The easiest person to find is the one that will offer you a lighter rope, an easier rope, a different rope. A rope for you to hold on to that seems life-saving to them - experiences, pleasures, even them. But sometimes. Sometimes. Sometimes you'll find a person that knows the strongest rope out there. The Good rope. They help you to find it. Lead you to it. They place your hands on it for your sake, not theirs. You may think they are always a certain type of person. You may think they have certain kinds of qualities. You may think they believe in certain things. But sometimes. Sometimes. They don't. And the Good rope is still the same.

Graceful Love

"You ruined your witness." I can hear those words spoken from the lips of a very dear friend and although it wasn't meant as horrible as it sounded as we reflected a brief history of actions past, I remember how it felt to completely know what I was doing at that time and not caring. I've ruined my witness. Countless times. The selfishness in me to satisfy my earthly desires-the pride in my heart and feeling of validation of who I am has trumped my heavenly purpose numerous times. That time, I was aware of it. I had become aware because I was in daily reflection in prayer while I was doing it. I boastfully ruined my witness. I think about times when I wasn't praying daily. I used to simply do what I thought was right and not check in with God every day to reveal the intentions of my heart. I wonder how many times I unknowingly ruined my witness for Christ. Now, it hardly happens without my knowing. I'm quick to apologize, but many times it doesn't change my actions in the moment. I should be running from myself every day. Everyone else should be too.

The air I breathe still exists, however, and I don't cease to live. I can't hide in a corner in my house and not experience life with my family and friends. What could I do? Jesus has a lot more grace for me than I do for myself. My shame about how I've messed up should convict me but it shouldn't suffocate me. That's easier said than done. Loving God and loving others requires so much giving of myself that thankfulness is the first and foremost ingredient I turn to when waking up from these chains of guilt. I am thankful. I am thankful I am still alive and experiencing friends and family despite the sin I've committed. Despite ruining my witness.

My guilt is a fact. It has happened. I've done something wrong. Jesus whispers, "that fact is covered in my blood." I need help remembering that I can still stand back up and move forward. I can only move forward if I'm willing to accept his grace and give myself some too. It's harder when there are hurt people in my wake. They may not be so quick to give me grace. I don't need to dwell in that guilt for them either, however. Jesus is talking to them too. Love for God and for them covers a multitude of sins-even mine.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. (I Cor 13: 4-8)

This is the love God has for me and should be the love I have for others. Never abandon, always love. I cannot love as perfectly as He can, but I can try. I can remember his love for me and be thankful he is so quick to forgive and transform. My part is the desire to be transformed. I can't imagine a worst person he could love than me, but I can imagine he loves me like crazy. If I can remember that, then righteousness is when I can get up and pay it forward. May I be the person he intends me to be with this heart so selfish, proud, and cruel. His love is an anchor for me; his ways my utmost desire and my comfort.

Buying Without Money

Isaiah 55:1 NIV

“Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters; and you who have no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost."

I know this heart God has. When I read this, I smiled because I know what this means for the poor. I've been on that side before. I've been in want without money to trade for it. I've yearned for the food, the bags and boxes on the shelves before me. The sweet bread and fruits I had no money to buy. I've felt the broken promises of a barren refrigerator. I've opened its door twice,  three times, five times,  eight times in one day hoping for a miracle that the milk would show itself.

I thirsted and hungered as a child with no way to fix it. No one had the fix around me. There was not someone there to provide. But if you somehow knew that was happening to me, would you have brought me some? If you knew who I was, where I was, how to get there and had something to bring, would you have?

I know the majority of you would have. I know more than you do that you care. It's hard to imagine a heart that exists that wouldn't. You know this heart that God has. Many of you would run-male or female, young or old, black, white, purple, grey doesn't matter. You would do it. If you loved me, you would run to the store, fly through the aisles, grab that jug of milk, fly to my house to bring it to me. You would loathe the minutes before your supply reached me. Ache for the minutes that my stomach was empty and my heart was in pain. You would serve me and be joyful. You wouldn't care to serve me in a glass or plastic cup-whatever works would be just fine. You would serve me. You would cry. You would be joyful that you had finally made it-you were there and I was drinking. You would ask me if I had enough. You would pour more if not. If needed,  you would go back to the store for more. You would think to yourself,  "I want to always give you milk when you need it. To my very last day, I will do all I can so you can have milk."

I would too. So when God says "Come to my table-you, who are poor. Come and buy and eat. Come and buy WITHOUT money or cost," I know who he is. He's the owner of the store who walks up to that little girl in the aisle and says,  "Take and eat. Anything you want. This is all mine but you can have it. You don't have to  pay for it." And I buy. I buy what I want. I look and love the food. I stay in the store. No need to go home. 

When people come to my home, I tell them it is theirs. I give them rights to all the rooms and everything in my refrigerator. In my home, it is not considered rude for a visitor to look into my refrigerator. It is an honor. I am overjoyed at the thought. I remember the little girl I was-standing there before a bare one-and the Lord has blessed me. No matter what their circumstances or background-as my guest, they are my friends. I will bless others-socially "acceptable" or not. Take and eat. You're rich?  Eat. You're poor?  Eat. 

God has prepared a gigantic feast. He has water that flows more clear than anything we can imagine. He knows what we want because He created us. He has made the best of every kind of fruit, bread, milk, and meat that can possibly touch our mouths. And He wants us to have it. He can't wait for us to see it. He doesn't care how poor we are. In fact,  the poorer we are, the more His delight. Wouldn't you feel that way too? The most poor man, the most poor woman, the most poor child - your delight in feeding them would abound. You would keep them eating until they were full. You would lift their head and tell them they don't have to worry anymore. You would take care of them. You wouldn't stop at food. No. You would give them new clothes,  a brand new home if you could. God made us. So how much more would He be like this than we are? In our selfishness,  we can imagine ourselves doing this. How much more can God, in His all-encompassing love, without an ounce of selfishness or disdain, wish to do for us? Past our imagination can bear! Whatever you can dream isn't possibly enough. He can and will do more. So keep dreaming. Dream your biggest dream about God's table. You won't be disappointed. It'll be even better. Why? Why does He want to do that?  Why does He care?  Because He made us. He's in love with His creation. We've walked away and tried to make it out on our own-looking to other things to make us happy and fill our hearts. But worldly things are just that-worldly. They'll never satisfy. If it exists on the planet, it will never satisfy you. He knows this and he sees us struggle. But all the time He wants to end it. He wants us to see his table-His magnificent table. Mercy, grace, and forgiveness are there among the food. And we can buy. Buy without money or cost.

I'm buying.