Well, it has been a very long time since I've written, although I don't easily stop thinking. I wonder how I can write down all the things that I hear and feel through the Spirit, but find my day full from morning til 11 at night. *Sigh* What can give? Plenty. Just need to re-assess!
Recently I have been going through a time of separation from the constant walk I've been accustomed to with God. I have been distracted and it was pointed out to me that my prayers have ceased. When this happens, my body starts to feel tired and my mind becomes cluttered. Recently it got to the point that I had to recognize that my life is not fullfilling anymore-something is wrong-I need to see God. I need to talk to Him. Thankfully, I have realized a place where I can hear God. I go for a jog around the neighborhood. I hope everyone can find a place like this for them. I really know that if I just take the time to take that jog, despite the busyness around me, that I can be found again and God can tell me what He's thinking. I have been praying for gifts of relationships and influence. God has gifted these things to me, except I haven't taken the gift in all seriousness. I have had secrets in my pocket. Like everyone else, I struggle with real sin. It leaves me distracted and pursuing things of this world. During this jog, God asked me where I've been. Why haven't I been praying? He hasn't known me every moment like He has before, and He wants me to realize why. He wants me to sacrifice myself once again and stand convicted before Him. He says to me, "Seek Me." When I've fallen this far and I don't want to go further, I always run back to step one. Praise, praise, praise. I have nothing left in me to offer but praise. In my praise, I am able to humble myself enough to hear the ways He wants me to live. I have found that I cannot help the people He gives me with a secret in my back pocket.
I was at bible class on Tuesday morning, the day after my jog, and the message delivered by Beth Moore that morning simply reinforced this. She pointed out Psalm 19:12-forgive my hidden faults, and in the original Hebrew, "keep me from secrets".
Psalm 19:7-14: The law of the Lord is perfect, refreshing the soul. The statutes of the Lord are trustworthy, making wise the simple. The precepts of the Lord are right, giving joy to the heart. The commands of the Lord are radiant, giving light to the eyes. The fear of the Lord is pure, enduring forever. The decrees of the Lord are firm, and ll of them are righteous. They are more precious than gold, than much pure gold; they are sweeter than honey, than honey from the honedycomb. By them your servant is warned; in kepping them there is great reward. But who can discern their own errors? Forgive me my hidden faults. Keep your servant also from willful sins; may they not rule over me. Then I will be blameless, innocent of great transgression. May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.
Those willfull sins were those sins I knew I was stepping into and said, "I'm going to do what I want to do." I didn't feel any consequences from those sins...right away. They are hidden from sight-no one knows. Who doesn't experience that kind of sin? None of us are above it. If we have lived at all, then we have all experienced it. It feels like we may get away with it forever. Satan loves hidden things. He loves darkness. He's drawn to them and he's a great deceiver-he want us to trust him. When we do, we go through with it, and then he betrays us. Then our lives fall apart, our relationships are shattered, and we realize we've been betrayed. Some of us may never realize it and blame it all on God! Without a relationship with God, it seems like the easiest thing to do; you have no guage for what the best life is. You assume you're always meant to live the "so-so" life. Well, no, you're not. God brings joy-even through trials. Yet some of us who have known Him, let Him into us, will turn and realize God has been seeking us out the entire time. We didn't heed the warnings along the way, and He was there-waiting, patiently waiting, for us to seek Him too. He's not hard to find once you get there.
So then, with all this said, I have a decision to make. I have to decide between my secrets and my God. I have to decide to put aside any distraction (even if it's my children, my photography, my husband, my house, my things, my music) and set my eyes on His will for me. If I keep my secrets, He can't use me. It's that simple--for me. My spirit is too far in tune with Him to allow the darkness to be set before His holiness. I am His. Are those strangers worth it? Are they friends or aren't they? How much can I love them? Can I love them more than my secrets? Yes, I can. Will I? Yes, I will.
Recently I have been going through a time of separation from the constant walk I've been accustomed to with God. I have been distracted and it was pointed out to me that my prayers have ceased. When this happens, my body starts to feel tired and my mind becomes cluttered. Recently it got to the point that I had to recognize that my life is not fullfilling anymore-something is wrong-I need to see God. I need to talk to Him. Thankfully, I have realized a place where I can hear God. I go for a jog around the neighborhood. I hope everyone can find a place like this for them. I really know that if I just take the time to take that jog, despite the busyness around me, that I can be found again and God can tell me what He's thinking. I have been praying for gifts of relationships and influence. God has gifted these things to me, except I haven't taken the gift in all seriousness. I have had secrets in my pocket. Like everyone else, I struggle with real sin. It leaves me distracted and pursuing things of this world. During this jog, God asked me where I've been. Why haven't I been praying? He hasn't known me every moment like He has before, and He wants me to realize why. He wants me to sacrifice myself once again and stand convicted before Him. He says to me, "Seek Me." When I've fallen this far and I don't want to go further, I always run back to step one. Praise, praise, praise. I have nothing left in me to offer but praise. In my praise, I am able to humble myself enough to hear the ways He wants me to live. I have found that I cannot help the people He gives me with a secret in my back pocket.
I was at bible class on Tuesday morning, the day after my jog, and the message delivered by Beth Moore that morning simply reinforced this. She pointed out Psalm 19:12-forgive my hidden faults, and in the original Hebrew, "keep me from secrets".
Psalm 19:7-14: The law of the Lord is perfect, refreshing the soul. The statutes of the Lord are trustworthy, making wise the simple. The precepts of the Lord are right, giving joy to the heart. The commands of the Lord are radiant, giving light to the eyes. The fear of the Lord is pure, enduring forever. The decrees of the Lord are firm, and ll of them are righteous. They are more precious than gold, than much pure gold; they are sweeter than honey, than honey from the honedycomb. By them your servant is warned; in kepping them there is great reward. But who can discern their own errors? Forgive me my hidden faults. Keep your servant also from willful sins; may they not rule over me. Then I will be blameless, innocent of great transgression. May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.
Those willfull sins were those sins I knew I was stepping into and said, "I'm going to do what I want to do." I didn't feel any consequences from those sins...right away. They are hidden from sight-no one knows. Who doesn't experience that kind of sin? None of us are above it. If we have lived at all, then we have all experienced it. It feels like we may get away with it forever. Satan loves hidden things. He loves darkness. He's drawn to them and he's a great deceiver-he want us to trust him. When we do, we go through with it, and then he betrays us. Then our lives fall apart, our relationships are shattered, and we realize we've been betrayed. Some of us may never realize it and blame it all on God! Without a relationship with God, it seems like the easiest thing to do; you have no guage for what the best life is. You assume you're always meant to live the "so-so" life. Well, no, you're not. God brings joy-even through trials. Yet some of us who have known Him, let Him into us, will turn and realize God has been seeking us out the entire time. We didn't heed the warnings along the way, and He was there-waiting, patiently waiting, for us to seek Him too. He's not hard to find once you get there.
So then, with all this said, I have a decision to make. I have to decide between my secrets and my God. I have to decide to put aside any distraction (even if it's my children, my photography, my husband, my house, my things, my music) and set my eyes on His will for me. If I keep my secrets, He can't use me. It's that simple--for me. My spirit is too far in tune with Him to allow the darkness to be set before His holiness. I am His. Are those strangers worth it? Are they friends or aren't they? How much can I love them? Can I love them more than my secrets? Yes, I can. Will I? Yes, I will.
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