Saturday, September 21, 2013

Analogies

I notice that when I run and feel the wind in my face and the resistance it brings...I push harder. When I find that there is no wind, there's no resistance, and certainly when the wind is at my back, I let the wind carry me. I sit back and I run it, but really, I'm riding it.

I find that these small things, more and more, are who God is; how He created this world to be. I want to pull back the tarp on all those things that we keep thinking are analogies...that this human race finds and just think they discover and they go, "Wow, it's kind of like God." When I pull back the tarp, I want to reveal that that IS God. It's not just like Him. It's how He made it to be.

When I'm pushing at any point on my race, I find that my heart is working so hard to keep up. I find that as I run that race and I push through what my heart really wants me to do-which is stop-I find that that is how I train it. How I train it to persevere. And in that place-where my heart lives-is Christ. Watching, rooting me on, as I decide to make my heart work and keep up with what my legs are doing. Is that just an analogy? No, these are not analogies. These are called the wonders of God.

Have you ever wondered? What were the wonders that the disciples were proclaiming in all of those languages in Acts 2:1-12 that made the people of all nations stop and wonder what it all means? The people said, "we hear them declaring the wonders of God..!" What will make you stop and think? What could they possibly have been saying? Was the fact that Jesus was the Christ the only thing? Was there more? Was that it? Or did they teach them, "When you breathe, that is God." Did they teach them, "Your life is a journey and everything you do can be to the glory of the father, the Maker, and when He made you, He made your back so that it didn't feel as much hurt and pain as He made your face to feel. So that when He carries you through a tough time, you don't even know it's happening." Is that a simple analogy? Or is that how He made us? Could that be a wonder of God?

These wonders are not things that you hear daily. These wonders are not things that you can simply state and walk away. Wonders of God. They stop you. They make you believe. They made the people commit to baptism. Is there only one? Is there only one Wonder? It's a great wonder indeed that the man that they call "Jesus" was God himself and decided that although with one thought He could destroy every single thing that was happening to Him, and say, "I'm sorry" to the rest of the world and simply desecrate all humanity and living things-because He is life...instead He decided to look into their eyes and say, "I love you and I'm going to do this anyway." That is a wonder...

What are those other wonders? What's the rest? We can talk about microscopic entities, but how do things work, how do we work? Why is it that we push harder through the wind? Why did He make me do that? Why does it feel better when I do than when I stop? Why does that make me feel better? Why do I feel like when there's no resistance that I should just ride it? What makes me do that? Is it because he wants me to feel His peace when He carries me through? What if when He's carrying me through, I push harder with His wind at my back? What then? What could possibly happen in my life if I did that? It requires a lot to be cognizant that you're riding the wind. Reflection. Knowing....and that doesn't come naturally. God wired us that way. Why? Because He wanted us to seek Him. He made us to have a choice to seek Him. And when you have to work to know Him, you won't give up that easily...just like almost everything in life. Analogy or wonder?

Lord, I'm giving you the glory and honor and praise for your wonders. I desperately want to know them-I want You to reveal Yourself and Your wonders to me. I commit my life to this. May I never completely be done seeing them all until that wonderful day when You will make all things known. Amen.

Sunday, August 4, 2013

Gabby

My niece Gabby came to stay with us for 3 weeks this summer and we fell in love with her.

She's staying.

As IF that was all to say! She has added to our lives and the lives of our children since the day she came. She has had a big heart and she's shown me her softness and vulnerability. I never quite knew much about her before this summer and I realize that I've been missing out. Her parents absolutely adore her and want to give her all they can, but they simply can't. My sister has had injuries from work that make her disabled and her husband has been in and out of luck finding a job. They both love her dearly!! They hate to let her go, but they know it's the best chance for her. She has so many wolves biting at her life, at her spirit, and her worth. I can already hear other family members discounting it all, telling me she's not really all that wonderful...and to them I want to say...just go away. Don't talk about her anymore. I love this girl. Leave her alone. She is a jewel-God thinks so and so do I.

Don't discount my Gabby. She's going to make it and she's already incredible. She's going to fight and I'm going to be there to remind her, to pull her, push her, pray with her, read to her, sing to her, teach her, train her, and love her. With this love Jesus has given me, anything, anything is possible. I'm putting that into her just as much as my other kids.

Gabby is 15 years old. Her vacation with us was an escape from the turmoil she endures around her home. During her visit, we read the book The Shack together. As we drove home on Monday, July 15th from a day trip to Dallas, she was reading it aloud and the chapter on judgment convicted her. We began to share about how we have judged others and she shared more about the role judgment has played in her life. She also shared about the torment, persecution, negativity, hatred, and lies she endures in her daily life. As I let her share and simply listened, I heard my own story once again. I heard my own life retold. Through tears we prayed. I told her she was not alone. We were getting close to home and I asked her if she would like to go to Papa's house to get baptized. With tears, Gabby said yes. In God's perfect timing, we pulled into my driveway and simply picked up Harvey and the kids with the Good News. I texted Papa and told him I needed a baptism performed tonight. It was 9:30 p.m. He was overjoyed. He invited us over and he visited with Gabby about how she came about her decision. We brought the kids to the pool and Papa baptized her at about 10:00 p.m. I can't thank Papa enough or God enough for His great plan with this.

It was her testimony about her experience during the three weeks that has shaken me the most....and it's not even the part I played. Gabby shared with me that the first day she visited my church she was told she was beautiful at least twice, once by an elderly woman and once by an elderly man-neither of whom she knew. She was also remembered by a member she did not recognize from a visit she made to Bammel almost 7 years ago when her older brother, Robert, was baptized by our church. She told about how she loved the high school class and how she thought Eric Petty was so funny. She met and made friends with Lauren from the high school class who had been baptized that day. She shared that Lauren had encouraged Gabby to go forward with her own baptism since she had been thinking about it for quite some time. The second Sunday she visited, she was told she was beautiful again. She couldn't get over how the members kept telling her this! A young lady simply needs to hear this from godly people and I am so overwhelmed with praise that my church has said that to her over and over. As she shared about her experiences with Papa that night she said, "she(Julizza)'s taken me to church twice now and when I'm there, I realize how much I love and miss being around God and with his people. When we sing there, I feel God's presence."

Glory to Him that gives strength to the weary, a kind word to the needy, and ministers to the least of these through His people! 

Gabby is already a wonderful part of our lives. I pray we can be as great a blessing to her as she is to us and I thank my sister and my Lord for entrusting her dear life to us.



Thursday, June 6, 2013

Psalm 103



1 Praise the Lord, my soul;
    all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
2 Praise the Lord, my soul,
    and forget not all his benefits—
3 who forgives all your sins
    and heals all your diseases,
4 who redeems your life from the pit
    and crowns you with love and compassion,
5 who satisfies your desires with good things
    so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

6 The Lord works righteousness
    and justice for all the oppressed.

7 He made known his ways to Moses,
    his deeds to the people of Israel:
8 The Lord is compassionate and gracious,
    slow to anger, abounding in love.
9 He will not always accuse,
    nor will he harbor his anger forever;
10 he does not treat us as our sins deserve
    or repay us according to our iniquities.
11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
    so great is his love for those who fear him;
12 as far as the east is from the west,
    so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

13 As a father has compassion on his children,
    so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him;
14 for he knows how we are formed,
    he remembers that we are dust.
15 The life of mortals is like grass,
    they flourish like a flower of the field;
16 the wind blows over it and it is gone,
    and its place remembers it no more.
17 But from everlasting to everlasting
    the Lord’s love is with those who fear him,
    and his righteousness with their children’s children—
18 with those who keep his covenant
    and remember to obey his precepts.

19 The Lord has established his throne in heaven,
    and his kingdom rules over all.

20 Praise the Lord, you his angels,
    you mighty ones who do his bidding,
    who obey his word.
21 Praise the Lord, all his heavenly hosts,
    you his servants who do his will.
22 Praise the Lord, all his works
    everywhere in his dominion.

Praise the Lord, my soul.

Verses 1-5 summarize my redemption story. My life is summarized in the whole chapter. Jesus states in Luke: "He said to them, “This is what I told you while I was still with you: Everything must be fulfilled that is written about me in the Law of Moses, the Prophets and the Psalms.” Luke 22:44 Then he opened their minds so they could understand the Scriptures. (verse 45).

How would you like your mind to be opened to understand the Scriptures (CAPITAL S)? I know I would!! I pray for it so often. I pray to understand, but do you know what gives me the most understanding of all? The absolute most intricate pieces of scripture that I feel I can understand (as my heart beats rapidly, and it swells to my eyes) is from my own life. I used to read scripture and it was somehow apart from me. It was from someone else, for someone else, and it had almost nothing to do with me. Not anymore. Since I've learned that humility is the best trait I can ever have when it pertains to learning who God is, I have realized that because He lives within me, these scriptures are about me and for me. Doesn't seem like I'm breaking new ground, does it? But if you knew how I read these scriptures before, you would understand. I would read, "Praise the Lord, you his angels,
you mighty ones who do his bidding, who obey his word. Praise the Lord, all his heavenly hosts, you his servants who do his will," and I would think, "Yeah, you guys do that. I hope you do. I wonder if they already did that. Sure, sometime when this was written. They probably already did that. In heaven somewhere, sometime.."

You laugh? As I think back, it's almost funny. Yet so scary because I'm not sure if I hadn't chosen to trust God in the pit of despair, that I would have ever grown out of it. Now, I realize that the heavenly hosts don't stop. They're praising Him right now. And I am His servant. I've asked to be. I've prayed for people, I've prayed for myself, I've worked for Him, I've given gifts in His name. This scripture is ME. And Yes, I praise Him (praising isn't just singing!).

How can a Psalm describe my journey in 22 verses? Forgiven in verse 3, praising in verse 22. Because it's inspired by The One who has a plan for me and I have chosen to walk with Him through it. Because He desires the same plan for everyone else caught up in sin and any kind of turmoil-which is every person that breathes. Because every redemption story ends in praise. Because He will save every time (saving isn't always curing, taking away pain or iniquities, or sending you money, but He has been known to do them too). We are not here forever. We are not here forever. We have this time, right now, to make our lives count and if you want to know a secret-our lives are not about us; neither is our purpose. He who has ears, let him hear.



{P.S. I know what has worked for me and if you want to grow more, I can share what what I did. If you want to work, read the Psalm again and try to make it talk about you. Everything is present tense. If you're lacking, you'll wince with every part that doesn't define you yet. Then humble yourself (which usually comes with crying and some alone time, lots of contemplation, asking for forgiveness, confessing exactly what you're having trouble with in prayer), and resolve to be better. I can't say enough what a dimension change it was in my relationship to God to tell Him exactly what is troubling me, exactly what I'm feeling and doing wrong. It's not like He doesn't know it already or can't handle it-He handled death! I am not going to dirty God by saying horrible things that I do, and I'm not giving the devil a foothold. Instead, I'm letting the foothold go. God will cleanse me. Then it's work, work, work! Message me if you'd like me to pray for you. jholub4@att.net}

Friday, May 24, 2013

I Don't Love Myself When...

Usually this is just a quick Facebook post. But I actually can't figure out how to put it that succinctly. I might have mentioned before that I learn about faith from my kids. I learn about how to believe, how to feel shame, and how to be open to truth through them.

I can't believe what he said. He's 4 years and 3 months old. I know he has a gift. I know he's so deep. Is this normal? It's amazing. I treasure what they both say...and I just wonder...how can I teach truth? How can I be real and not be over their little heads? They're so young, yet they understand so much.

Rio came home and I gave her a snack and as always, she started on her homework. Lathan was still taking his nap and all was calm. A few minutes later, she takes a trip to his room where he's resting and emerges following him and in her usual big sister and overwhelmingly loving voice, she introduces him into the room. "Mommy, look who's uuup!" Smiling and excited she announces him. She misses him during her day. She couldn't wait until he awoke.

As usual, he wants me. He climbs on the couch where I'm dutifully poured over my laptop and he wants to be in my space. He always gets it. I can't turn down a Lathan hug. In his post-nap crankiness, he really doesn't want to have anything to do with his poor big sister no matter how nice she is. She's watching his every move with awe...she truly is in love with him.

After a few "hey there's and how was your nap's" and lots of smooches, I stare down at his tired face. He looks up at me and he's still cranky. "Who loves you?" I ask. I want him to remember his sister and find some joy at the same time. Without speaking, he points at me. "Mommy does...," Rio states, filling in the silence. "That's right," I said. "Who else?" He points to Rio, and the door to represent his daddy still at work. "Yep!" I state, and his silliness and smiles begin. I'm done. I've accomplished my task. "Who else?" Rio asks him. He's a bit perplexed for a second; he was done too. "Lathan does! You should love yourself too." She states it so sweetly and affirmingly, like a kindergarten teacher showing her pupil how to share their crayons. "No," he says. "I don't." Hmmm. Well, I wasn't going to let that pass. Nope, not me. Super-mom to the rescue with my positive affirmation cue in my pocket. But first, find out why. Why, why, why. Get to the root and fix the root. The teacher in me doesn't die easily. "Why do you say that, Lathan?" "Because I don't love myself when I do bad things." Wait. This was supposed to be easier than that. You were supposed to say, "I didn't know I was supposed to" or "Well I guess I do". You weren't supposed to quote Paul in Romans 7:24 when he says about himself "what a wretched man I am!" He states it after he says "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do." He hates himself for doing things wrong.

Lathan is Paul. I am Paul. I know what he means. Why are you 4 years 3 months and thinking on these things? How do you already at your young age know to feel this? Is this normal?

I realize I've paused, allowing myself to treasure this moment in my heart and to be stunned at the same time. Where do I go next? I went with the same things God told me through His Word a few years ago at the beginning of this journey...

"Lathan, I know how you feel. I've felt that way before too. I don't like myself when I do the wrong things either. But do you know who loves me even when I do wrong? God does. He loves me even though I do things wrong...and He's told us that we are free to love ourselves when we are bad because He loves us first." I get in a quick kiss before he's flown out of my arms and ready for a popsicle.

So ends another day. I'm so blessed I get to be their mom. 

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Live Like It's Your Last Day

I was asked to speak at a Women's Conference at Iglesia de Cristo Bammel this past Saturday and I just want to share what I shared with them. I've posted it here for my Spanish-speaking friends, and the english translation follows. I pray it blesses you and your journey is inspired.

Vivir Como Si Fuera el último Día de tu Vida
Esta oportunidad llegó en el momento en que mi espíritu necesitaba un avivamiento, y Dios es tan fiel que por eso estoy aquí. El tema de mi plática es: “Vivir como si fuera el último día”. Me pregunto por qué me asignaron este tema. No es por accidente; de eso estoy segura. Me encanta la idea y la inspiración detrás de este tema, y disfruto el sentimiento de vivir cada día como si fuera el último de mi vida.

Parece relevante a la manera en que vivo mis días en esta etapa de mi vida. No podría vivir cada día como si fuera el último, sino hubiera vivido muchos primeros días.

Mientras oraba sobre esta plática en los últimos meses, y pensaba en cómo sería en realidad vivir cada día como si fuera el último, descubrí que es mucho más difícil de lo que esperaba, pero no en el nivel que ustedes piensan. En realidad, me deprimí con tan solo pensarlo.

Cuando pienso en mi último día, lo único que quiero es estar rodeada de mi familia. Sé que no puedo estar junto a ellos cada día, como yo quisiera. Pues hay mucho trabajo por hacer para avanzar el Reino de Dios.

Al pensar en esto, me di cuenta que mi vida es extremadamente rica en experiencias y bendiciones. No porque vivo como si fuera mi último día, sino porque vivo como si fuera mi primer día. Es verdad lo que dicen: “cada nuevo día, es como el primer día del resto de tu vida”. Creo que en esto es en lo que debemos enfocarnos. Nuestro Dios es un Dios de promesas. Él es el pasado, el presente, y el futuro. Cuando él nos enseña por medio de su palabra, nunca ha dicho “mira tu pasado”.

Nunca nos pedirá que pensemos en nuestro pasado, a menos que quiera que aprendamos algo y ganemos sabiduría. Tampoco nos pedirá que vivamos como si NUNCA tendremos otra oportunidad de volver a hacer algo. Siempre nos pedirá que pensemos en las consecuencias, recompensas y bendiciones futuras.

Cuando pienso en cada uno de mis días como “el último día”, Satanás se pone a trabajar. Usa mi corazón y lo hace preguntarse cómo va a funcionar cada nuevo día sin el pecado que le he permitido cometer. En mi vida, hay suficiente pecado.


Cuando mi padre falleció en 2007, se cortó el ancla de mi vida. Él era la razón por la que yo hacía lo correcto. Por él entendí lo que era el honor. Me enseñó que Dios siempre estaba observando. Y yo pensé que le creía. Cuando él ya no estuvo, sufrí una profunda depresión. No podía entenderlo, no sabía lo que me estaba sucediendo, y seguí buscando cosas que llenaran el vacío que sentía. Sentí como si nadie más estuviera observando ya la pureza de mi vida; olvidé que Dios estaba siempre observando porque mi padre ya no estaba para recordármelo. Satanás tenía la puerta abierta. Un día en mi depresión, el pecado entró a mi hogar. Satanás quería destruir todo lo que yo tenía. Me hizo creer cosas de mi vida que nunca antes creí. Lo disfrazó usando “amigos” y empecé a pensar “pobrecita Julizza”. Empecé a sentir lástima por mí misma, mi vida y mis circunstancias. Satanás también creó problemas financieros, haciendo las cosas peor. Durante ese tiempo, usó TODO lo que pudo, incluyendo mi corazón para hacerme creer que ya no había ninguna esperanza de vida junto a mi esposo. Me hizo soñar en una vida sin mi esposo. Lo que me pareció tentador: no más estrés, no más pleitos, no más dolor en el corazón. Pero Satanás nunca me reveló las consecuencias de esa otra vida, ni el dolor que nos causaría a todos. Esa vida se convirtió en lo que yo más quise alcanzar.

Quise abandonar mi hogar. Quise llevarme a mi hija y separarla de su padre y de la mentira que estábamos viviendo como matrimonio. Por lo menos, eso era lo que Satanás me decía que era, una mentira. Mi depresión y mis amigos me convencieron de buscar el divorcio. Después de muchos, muchos meses, mi esposo se dio por vencido de tratar de componer nuestro matrimonio y llamó a los ancianos de la iglesia pidiendo ayuda.

Recibimos consejería durante años, pero seguí viviendo con una mentalidad dividida, hasta que por fin toqué fondo. Estaba embarazada, y asustada por el futuro de mi familia. ¿Qué iba a suceder con el bebé que venía en camino? ¿Cómo iba a ser su vida? Le pedí a Dios que tomara el control y me llevara por el camino correcto. Tuve que hacer a un lado mi orgullo. Y así, pude humillarme ante Dios. Un mes más tarde, y sin esperarlo, recibí la gracia de Dios en mi matrimonio y la esperanza de un buen futuro para mi familia. TODOS JUNTOS. Algo que yo buscaba con desesperación. Después de reconocer este milagro, supe que ya no haría mis propios planes para mi vida. Fue entonces que dejé de vivir la vida como si fuera mi último día. Ya no quise estar en otro lugar, ni con alguien más, ni soltera, ni volví a sentir que ya no había oportunidad de volver a ser feliz.

Por fin entendí la gracia de Dios y el precio que había pagado por mi alma. Decidí ya no vivir para mí, sino para otros. Es algo mucho más difícil, pero mucho más gratificante. Dejé de tener una mente dividida, y sentí que había unido mi mente a la de Dios. Así pude sacar al diablo de mi corazón. Decidí que ya no me iba a divorciar y que me quedaría en mi matrimonio para siempre. Confié en que Dios lo iba a arreglar todo, y yo me humillé para que él hiciera lo necesario.

Mi esposo es un hombre bueno. No me malentiendan –él no es perfecto. Pero mi mejor amiga cristiana, a la que considero como una madre espiritual, me hizo ver que mi esposo es un hombre honorable. Y eso es suficiente.

Empecé a vivir cada nuevo día, como el primer día del resto de mi vida. Así he aprendido que con la oración, la auto-reflexión y la humildad, es la mejor manera de alabar a Dios. Dios es mi primer amor y es el centro de todo lo que amo y de todas mis relaciones. Ahora entiendo, que al amar a Dios más que a todo, es la única manera de cumplir con el compromiso que hice de quedarme por siempre con mi esposo. Le pedí a mi esposo, que JUNTOS, pusiéramos a Dios en primer lugar para todo.

Es fácil querer empezar una nueva vida. Es una lucha diaria contra Satanás, porque él siempre está esperando a que caigamos. Pero cada día es una nueva oportunidad de seguir con mi decisión de cambiar algo en mi vida. Cada día es otro día que trato. Por eso no vivo ese día como si fuera mi último día, sino como un día más en el que sigo luchando.

Por ejemplo:
Hace CUATRO AÑOS fue mi primer día en que decidí ser una mejor mamá. Aunque cada día tiene sus retos, y caigo una y otra vez, mi resolución todavía está en pie.

Hace como TRES AÑOS fue el primer día en que tomé la decisión de confiar completamente en Dios para mis necesidades financieras.

Hace como DOS AÑOS fue otro primer día en que decidí estudiar con atención la biblia para aprender y conocer mejor a Jesús, y tener una relación personal con él.

Hace como UN AÑO fue el primer día en que por fin sentí que mi mente y mi corazón realmente estaban completamente en mi hogar.

Hace una semana fue el primer día en convertirme en una mamá que no les grita a sus hijos.

Aunque he tomado todas estas decisiones, Satanás trata de recordarme mis pecados y de convencerme que no tengo esperanza, ni razón para seguir tratando de lograrlas. Busca hacerme creer que las cosas de este mundo son mejores que lo que Dios tiene para mí.

Pero la palabra de Dios dice en Primera de Juan 2: 15 al 17:
15 No amen al mundo ni nada de lo que hay en él. Si alguien ama al mundo, no tiene el amor del Padre. 16 Porque nada de lo que hay en el mundo —los malos deseos del *cuerpo, la codicia de los ojos y la arrogancia de la vida— proviene del Padre sino del mundo. 17 El mundo se acaba con sus malos deseos, pero el que hace la voluntad de Dios permanece para siempre.”

Por eso, Satanás ya no tiene poder sobre mí. Ya que no son mis acciones las que me hacen justa. Tampoco las que me salvan. El precio ya ha sido pagado por mis pecados, del pasado y del futuro.

Así que mis primeros días y los nuevos comienzos son muchos. Cada día acepto su gracia y promesas. Esto requiere de disciplina y tiene propósito. Para lograrlo, necesito ayuda. Busco cosas que me ayudan a mantener el enfoque. Escucho música que me inspira a pensar en él. Vivo en las cosas que le dan honor. Es así como lo encuentro en mi día. Me escondo de todo lo que Satanás hace y saco de mi casa todo lo que podría hacerme caer.

Algunas personas piensan que una vida sin cable de televisión, películas de horror, violencia o fantasías sexuales es aburrida. Pero no podrían estar más equivocados. Es tan liberante. No hay nada igual.

Le pido a Dios: toma mi vida, Señor. Pon en mí un corazón gozoso, ministrante y amoroso.

Mientras descanso y prospero en esta vida de cosas nuevas, empiezo a ver las cosas con más fe.

Oro con más facilidad y más frecuencia.

Escucho más historias de fe de las personas.

Le puedo dar a Dios crédito hasta por las cosas más pequeñas.

No dejo que la gente robe la santidad de una situación en la vida.

Presumo de lo bien que conozco a Dios, como lo dijo Pablo.

Y desafortunadamente para el mundo, mi opinión de Dios es para mí real y firme. Entiendo mucho sobre él y mi confianza viene de él. Confío en que él proveerá y ha cumplido poderosamente de muchas maneras. Nunca tuve estas historias antes y nunca estuve tan convencida de su omnipotencia –su poder sin límites – como lo estoy ahora.

He aprendido que mientras vivo para otros, mis propios sueños se convierten en realidad poco a poco. Es un camino largo, pero mucho más satisfactorio y rico.

He renunciado a mis sueños solo para recuperarlos multiplicados. Ese es nuestro Dios. Es un Dios que multiplica, y todo lo que le entregamos, será devuelto bendecido. Solo necesitamos fe y paciencia.

Me he salido del cuadro de lo que consideraba como alabanza y no temo alabarle con cada paso que doy. Escucho música, cierro los ojos, levanto las manos, doy brincos en conciertos, siento y arrullo el espíritu en mi corazón.

Los niños no tienen miedo de imaginar o creer en cosas que no ven. Porque he madurado en fe, creo más fácilmente en esto.

Porque he madurado, me he permitido creer en este espíritu que camina conmigo. Él va en el carro conmigo y sostiene mi mano cuando entro a mi casa. Él es tan real para mí, tan real como esta hoja de papel en mi mano. Imaginar su presencia es algo que he hecho desde joven –desde niña mis padres me enseñaron a reconocer la presencia de ángeles y de Dios. Y nunca dejé de hacerlo. Creo que esto es una parte crucial en lo que quiso decir Jesús cuando dijo que debemos “recibir el reino de Dios como un niño”. Aquellos que creen que han madurado, y no reciben el reino como un niño, no se permiten sentir el espíritu real. Se han ido en el sentido contrario cuando se trata de la fe.

Oro que ustedes vivan su vida cada día como si fuera su primer día del resto de su vida –lleno de nuevos comienzos y recordando una y otra vez las promesas de Dios.

Así como Pablo oró en Efesios 1:17 al 23:
Pido que el Dios de nuestro Señor Jesucristo, el Padre glorioso, les dé el Espíritu de sabiduría y de revelación, para que lo conozcan mejor. 18 Pido también que les sean iluminados los ojos del corazón para que sepan a qué esperanza él los ha llamado, cuál es la riqueza de su gloriosa herencia entre los santos, y cuán incomparable es la grandeza de su poder a favor de los que creemos. Ese poder es la fuerza grandiosa y eficaz que Dios ejerció en Cristo cuando lo resucitó de entre los muertos y lo sentó a su derecha en las regiones celestiales, muy por encima de todo gobierno y autoridad, poder y dominio, y de cualquier otro nombre que se invoque, no sólo en este mundo sino también en el venidero. Dios sometió todas las cosas al dominio de Cristo,[e] y lo dio como cabeza de todo a la iglesia. Ésta, que es su cuerpo, es la plenitud de aquel que lo llena todo por completo.

Amen!

Live Like It's Your Last Day
This opportunity came at a time where my Spirit needed a revival and God is so faithful, that that is why I am here. I’m curious why I got this subject assigned to me. It’s not by accident; I know that’s for sure. I love the idea and the inspiration behind this subject and I enjoy the feeling it gives to live each day as if it were my last. It seems relevant to how I about my life at this phase, but I have to tell you that I couldn’t live each day if it were my last if I didn’t have a lot of firsts.

As I prayed through this talk for a couple of months and took note of what it would truly be like to live as if each day was my last, I found that it’s a lot harder to do than I anticipated, but not on the level you might expect. I actually got depressed thinking about it.

When I think of my last day, the only thing I care about is being surrounded by family. Truthfully, there’s not a way to live each day with my family around me, however. I have a lot of work to do for the kingdom. I realized that my life is extremely rich in experiences and blessings not because I live it as if it were my last, but because I live it as if it were my first. It is true what they say, “every new day is the first day of the rest of your life.”

I think that this mentality is the where we should focus. Our God is a God of promise. He is the past, the present, and the future. When he teaches us through His word, he never tells us, “look at your past.” He will never ask you to think about your past unless he means to learn from it and seek wisdom from it. Never will he ask you to live like you won’t ever have another chance at something. He will always direct you to think about the consequences, rewards, and blessings.

When I think of each of my days “as the last day”, Satan goes to work. He uses my heart and makes it wonder how I can go on each new day without the sin I’ve allowed in it. In my history, there is plenty of sin.

 
When my father passed away in 2007, the anchor in my life was cut. He was the reason I did what was right. He was why I understood honor. He taught me that God was always watching. And I thought I believed him. When he was no longer there, I experienced a terrible amount of depression. I couldn’t understand it, I didn’t know it was happening, and I kept looking for things to fill the void. I felt like no one was watching my pureness of life anymore; I forgot that God was always watching because my father wasn’t there to serve as a reminder. Satan had an open door.

One day in a bout of depression, sin entered my home. Satan wanted to destroy everything I had. He made me believe things about my life I never believed before. He disguised it using “friends” and the mindset crept in of “poor Julizza”. I began feeling sorry for myself, my life, and my circumstances. He even created financial havocs to make matters worse. Through time, he used every tool he had-including my own heart-to make me believe that there was no hope for a good life with my husband. He gave me visions of a life separate from him. He tempted me with less stress, no more fights, and no more heartbreak. But he never revealed the consequences of this other life, nor the hurt it would cause us all. That other life became what I wanted most in this life.

I longed to leave my home. I longed to take my child with me-separate her from her father and this lie we were living. At least that’s what Satan said it was-a lie. Satan used my depression, my heart, and my friends to lead me to believe that divorce was the best option. After many, many months, my husband gave up trying to fix our marriage himself and called on the elders of the church to step in.

We received years of counseling, but I continued to live my days split-minded. One day, I finally broke down in sorrow. I was pregnant and I was scared for our family’s future. What would come of this new child? What would his life experience be? I asked God to take over and steer me in the right direction. I put aside my pride and broke.

A month later without expecting it, I experienced grace in my marriage. God handed me hope and a promise of a future for my family that I was desperately seeking. ALL TOGETHER. I had been searching for this hope desperately. Once I realized this miracle, I knew I wanted to be done with making my own plans for my life. In the coming months is when I stopped living my life as if it were my last-wishing I were somewhere else and believing I didn’t have another chance at happiness. I finally understood the grace of God and price he had paid for my soul. I decided not to live for myself anymore, but to instead live for others. It’s so much harder, but so much more gratifying and my happiness could return through it. I stopped splitting my mind and I feel like my mind became united with God’s. That was the only way I could take the devil’s hold off my heart. I decided I would not divorce and I would stay married to my husband forever. I decided I would trust that God would fix everything, and I humbled myself so that He could do His work (an extremely difficult thing to do and a daily struggle). My husband was indeed good enough. Don’t misunderstand me-he is not nor will he ever be perfect. But he is one very important thing that my spiritual mom taught me: he is honorable. So he was worth it.

I began living as if each day was the first day of the rest of my life. It is how I learned that prayer, self-reflection, and humility are the best ways to praise. In the very core of it all is my love for God over all of my relationships and everything I hold dear.

I understand now that loving God more than anything else is the only way that I can fulfill my promise that I made to myself that I would stay with my husband forever. I asked my husband if we could together put God first in our lives.

It’s easy to think that you want to start a new way of living, but Satan loves to drag you down when you mess up. It truly is a daily battle. Satan is always watching for you to fall. Each new day is an opportunity to change something in my life. Every day is a new day that I try. This is why I don’t live each day as if it were my last day but instead as if it’s a new day to keep trying.

About 4 years ago was my first day being a better mom. Although there are new trials as time passes and always new things to learn, my resolve is still there.

About 3 years ago was another first day that I decided I would trust completely in God to provide in my finances.

About 2 years ago was the first day where I became a woman of the bible to understand and learn who Jesus is so I could begin a deeper personal relationship with Him.

About a year ago was the first day I felt like I truly decided to come home and stay home-in my heart and in my mind.

About a week ago was the first day that I became a mom who wouldn’t scream at her children.

Although I’ve made all of these resolutions, Satan still tries to remind me of my sin and convince me I have no hope or reason to keep trying to accomplish them. He finds ways to make me believe that the worldly pleasures are better than what God has for me.

But 1 John 2: 15-17 says:

Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, love for the Father is not in them. For everything in the world-the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life-comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but whoever does the will of God lives forever.” 

This is why Satan no longer has power over me. For it is not my actions that make me righteous. They don’t even save me. The price has already been paid for what I’ve done and might do.

So my first days and new beginnings are plentiful. I daily accept his grace and promise. It’s a discipline and it’s purposeful. In order to do this, I have to have help. I find things that help me stay focused. I listen to music that inspires me to think about Him. I dwell in the works that honor Him. That is how I find Him in my day. I hide from everything Satan makes. I put everything he creates out of my home that would make me fail.

Some may feel like a life free from network television, horror movies, violence, and sex fantasies is boring. But they couldn’t be more wrong. It is so freeing. There’s nothing like it.

I ask God, “Take my life, Lord. Create in me a loving, ministering heart.”

As I rest and flourish in this life of newness, I start to see things with more faith.

I break out in praise easier.

I pray more often…almost every subconscious thought is a prayer.

I hear more stories of faith than I did before.

I can give God the credit for even the smallest things easier.

I don’t let people rob the holiness or God’s credit of work in a life situation.

I boast in how well I know God, as Paul himself mentioned.

And unfortunately for the world, my opinion of who God is to me is real and unwavering. I understand much about him and my confidence comes from Him.

I trust him to provide and he’s come through powerfully in so many ways. I never had those stories before and was never as convinced of his omnipotence-His limitless power-as much as I am now.

I have learned that as I live for others, my own dreams come true little by little. It’s the long way around, but it’s so much more rewarding and richer.

I have given up my dreams only to gain them back multiplied. That is our God. He is a God of multiplication and anything you hand him, he will return it but blessed. You need only faith and patience.

I’ve blown out the box on what I’ve considered as worship and I’m not afraid to worship him with every step I take. I listen to music, I close my eyes, I raise my hands, I jump up and down in concert, I feel and coddle the spirit in my heart.

Children are not afraid to imagine or believe in things they cannot see. Because as I have matured in faith, I can believe easier in the Spirit.

Because I’ve matured in faith, I believe in this Spirit that walks with me easier. I acknowledge His presence easier. He rides in the car with me and he holds my hand as I walk into my home. He is so real to me-as real as the paper in my hand.  Imagining His presence is something I’ve done since I was young. Since I was small, my parents taught me to acknowledge the presence of angels and of God. And I never stopped. I believe this is a crucial part of what Jesus meant when he said we need to “receive the kingdom of God like a child”. Everyone that thinks they’ve matured and don’t receive the Kingdom of God like a child don’t allow themselves to feel the real Him, much less imagine Him there. They’ve gone backwards when it comes to faith.

I pray for you to live each day as if it were your first day of the rest of your live-full of new beginnings and remembering His promises again and again.

As Paul prayed for the Ephesians, I pray for you:

"I ask that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit[f] of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. 18 I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people, 19 and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is the same as the mighty strength 20 he exerted when he raised Christ from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, 21 far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every name that is invoked, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. 22 And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, 23 which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way." Ephesians 1:17-23

Amen!

Monday, January 7, 2013

Discipline

Pride comes in so many different forms; there's no way to count them all. I search and search for the pride in my heart and I find new ways that my pride conquers. I often pray for pride to be expelled from my heart because I know that only when it is gone can Jesus shine through...

And with that I know that I need discipline to stay sanctified. Discipline & sanctification in today's terms have such bad connotations and there's really no other word for them. They are holy words and satan loves to make us think they are bad. If I say I need to stay sanctified, people automatically think about lust, but sin is sin, and there's plenty more than just lust-pride is what I have struggled with recently.

"Discipline" has almost been thrown out the window in our society, to our demise. It isn't an act. It's a joy, a goal, a tough, tough, tough learned goodness that comes only from God-nowhere else. I have enjoyed His discipline of late and it helps me understand life so much better. I embrace it, lean on it, love it, and struggle with it. It's so hard and so rewarding all at the same time. It allows Him to speak to me, it allows Him to work in me and through me, it even allows Him to give me dreams. Without discipline, He can't create a good work in me [1]. With it, he can create everything-for He is the creator. He makes things out of no things. Not only can he create out of nothing[2], but it's a piece of art every time. It is amazing-almost as amazing as Him. What wonders...

I deeply appreciate God's vision and I trust His judgement on my heart. Just by knowing things about myself makes things happening in my life that I'm struggling with already fine. I'm ok with admitting my downfalls-as tiny as this pride was, satan can still use it, so I'll let Jesus have it and let it go [3]. It takes discipline to not act the way I want to and to know what I have inside of me.

Searching and allowing God to tell me what's going on in my heart is the most wonderful gift I can give myself. God-seeking self-perception. How I do it is by admitting to God in my prayers the simplest feelings I'm having. I just say them. "Lord, I am struggling with this {Spirit inserts words for what I'm feeling[4]}. Help me to deal with this." I sometimes ask Him to dispell them (especially pride). All the while, I keep my heart as an aching, humble[5], bendable, changeable one. Then I stop. Similar to what Eli instructed Samuel [6], I say, "Speak, Lord, I am here." And then He speaks. His voice is like mine but it's truths instead of what I would say. It teaches me and I grow in wisdom. He gives me phrases and challenges my heart. I sometimes battle him and plead my case, but His truth is strong. If I 'm confused, I tell Him. I reveal everything-nothing goes unexpressed. And He speaks. I don't grow alone-it's impossible. I may not perceive other things about myself so well, but my heart is what I need to work on with God the most-it's what He cares for the most. In time, everything else will straighten out ("in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:6).

May God bless you and keep you[7]. May you try these things yourself. May you be disciplined. May God make His face to shine upon you. May I not stand in the way of the light.

~J

[1] Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. ~Phillipians 1:6

[2] Now the earth was formless and empty...and God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. ~Genesis 2:2-3

[3] ...do not give the devil a foothold. ~Ephesians 4:27

[4] In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. ~Romans 8:26

[5] Because your heart was responsive and you humbled yourself before the LORD...and because you wept in my presence, I also have heard you, declares the LORD. ~2 Kings 22:19

[6] So Eli told Samuel, "...if he calls you, say, 'Speak Lord, for your servant is listening.'" 1 Samuel 3:9

[7] The LORD bless you and keep you; the LORD make his face shine on you and be gracious to you; the LORD turn his face toward you and give you peace. ~Numbers 6: 24-26