Usually this is just a quick Facebook post. But I actually can't figure out how to put it that succinctly. I might have mentioned before that I learn about faith from my kids. I learn about how to believe, how to feel shame, and how to be open to truth through them.
I can't believe what he said. He's 4 years and 3 months old. I know he has a gift. I know he's so deep. Is this normal? It's amazing. I treasure what they both say...and I just wonder...how can I teach truth? How can I be real and not be over their little heads? They're so young, yet they understand so much.
Rio came home and I gave her a snack and as always, she started on her homework. Lathan was still taking his nap and all was calm. A few minutes later, she takes a trip to his room where he's resting and emerges following him and in her usual big sister and overwhelmingly loving voice, she introduces him into the room. "Mommy, look who's uuup!" Smiling and excited she announces him. She misses him during her day. She couldn't wait until he awoke.
As usual, he wants me. He climbs on the couch where I'm dutifully poured over my laptop and he wants to be in my space. He always gets it. I can't turn down a Lathan hug. In his post-nap crankiness, he really doesn't want to have anything to do with his poor big sister no matter how nice she is. She's watching his every move with awe...she truly is in love with him.
After a few "hey there's and how was your nap's" and lots of smooches, I stare down at his tired face. He looks up at me and he's still cranky. "Who loves you?" I ask. I want him to remember his sister and find some joy at the same time. Without speaking, he points at me. "Mommy does...," Rio states, filling in the silence. "That's right," I said. "Who else?" He points to Rio, and the door to represent his daddy still at work. "Yep!" I state, and his silliness and smiles begin. I'm done. I've accomplished my task. "Who else?" Rio asks him. He's a bit perplexed for a second; he was done too. "Lathan does! You should love yourself too." She states it so sweetly and affirmingly, like a kindergarten teacher showing her pupil how to share their crayons. "No," he says. "I don't." Hmmm. Well, I wasn't going to let that pass. Nope, not me. Super-mom to the rescue with my positive affirmation cue in my pocket. But first, find out why. Why, why, why. Get to the root and fix the root. The teacher in me doesn't die easily. "Why do you say that, Lathan?" "Because I don't love myself when I do bad things." Wait. This was supposed to be easier than that. You were supposed to say, "I didn't know I was supposed to" or "Well I guess I do". You weren't supposed to quote Paul in Romans 7:24 when he says about himself "what a wretched man I am!" He states it after he says "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do." He hates himself for doing things wrong.
Lathan is Paul. I am Paul. I know what he means. Why are you 4 years 3 months and thinking on these things? How do you already at your young age know to feel this? Is this normal?
I realize I've paused, allowing myself to treasure this moment in my heart and to be stunned at the same time. Where do I go next? I went with the same things God told me through His Word a few years ago at the beginning of this journey...
"Lathan, I know how you feel. I've felt that way before too. I don't like myself when I do the wrong things either. But do you know who loves me even when I do wrong? God does. He loves me even though I do things wrong...and He's told us that we are free to love ourselves when we are bad because He loves us first." I get in a quick kiss before he's flown out of my arms and ready for a popsicle.
So ends another day. I'm so blessed I get to be their mom.
I can't believe what he said. He's 4 years and 3 months old. I know he has a gift. I know he's so deep. Is this normal? It's amazing. I treasure what they both say...and I just wonder...how can I teach truth? How can I be real and not be over their little heads? They're so young, yet they understand so much.
Rio came home and I gave her a snack and as always, she started on her homework. Lathan was still taking his nap and all was calm. A few minutes later, she takes a trip to his room where he's resting and emerges following him and in her usual big sister and overwhelmingly loving voice, she introduces him into the room. "Mommy, look who's uuup!" Smiling and excited she announces him. She misses him during her day. She couldn't wait until he awoke.
As usual, he wants me. He climbs on the couch where I'm dutifully poured over my laptop and he wants to be in my space. He always gets it. I can't turn down a Lathan hug. In his post-nap crankiness, he really doesn't want to have anything to do with his poor big sister no matter how nice she is. She's watching his every move with awe...she truly is in love with him.
After a few "hey there's and how was your nap's" and lots of smooches, I stare down at his tired face. He looks up at me and he's still cranky. "Who loves you?" I ask. I want him to remember his sister and find some joy at the same time. Without speaking, he points at me. "Mommy does...," Rio states, filling in the silence. "That's right," I said. "Who else?" He points to Rio, and the door to represent his daddy still at work. "Yep!" I state, and his silliness and smiles begin. I'm done. I've accomplished my task. "Who else?" Rio asks him. He's a bit perplexed for a second; he was done too. "Lathan does! You should love yourself too." She states it so sweetly and affirmingly, like a kindergarten teacher showing her pupil how to share their crayons. "No," he says. "I don't." Hmmm. Well, I wasn't going to let that pass. Nope, not me. Super-mom to the rescue with my positive affirmation cue in my pocket. But first, find out why. Why, why, why. Get to the root and fix the root. The teacher in me doesn't die easily. "Why do you say that, Lathan?" "Because I don't love myself when I do bad things." Wait. This was supposed to be easier than that. You were supposed to say, "I didn't know I was supposed to" or "Well I guess I do". You weren't supposed to quote Paul in Romans 7:24 when he says about himself "what a wretched man I am!" He states it after he says "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do." He hates himself for doing things wrong.
Lathan is Paul. I am Paul. I know what he means. Why are you 4 years 3 months and thinking on these things? How do you already at your young age know to feel this? Is this normal?
I realize I've paused, allowing myself to treasure this moment in my heart and to be stunned at the same time. Where do I go next? I went with the same things God told me through His Word a few years ago at the beginning of this journey...
"Lathan, I know how you feel. I've felt that way before too. I don't like myself when I do the wrong things either. But do you know who loves me even when I do wrong? God does. He loves me even though I do things wrong...and He's told us that we are free to love ourselves when we are bad because He loves us first." I get in a quick kiss before he's flown out of my arms and ready for a popsicle.
So ends another day. I'm so blessed I get to be their mom.
You are blessed, but so are your children. I hope you write more...I enjoy it.
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